Fight or Flight...Is There a Third Choice?

They say that when we are threatened we default to two instinctive choices...we have to decide to stay and fight or turn and run like crazy.  If I am threatened by a bear and decide to fight it, well...just a very bad idea.  If I try to run, it will most likely chase me.  A bear is very fast on its feet and I will find my self at fight anyway. There is a third choice and that is to lay down on the ground and play dead.

When it comes to my life conflicts, I have stood and fought, many times.  I rarely win. Even when I win, I have lost something.  I have also had to run like the wind to escape even myself at times.  But I like the third choice in so many instances.  Its the equivalent of standing down.  Surrendering or submitting my perspective.  This is a choice to delay a response long enough to formulate a sound, self-honoring response to the threat. 

The gift of this third choice is that i don't have to resolve the issue THIS MINUTE.  It gives me a chance to really consider what it is I need to do or say.  And, what seems so important in the moment is so often long forgotten within a short period of time.

Love does not take offense.  This is what God says.  And what I like most about this is my spiritual life empowers me to accurately weigh the value of my position, to see things in the light of His grace, and to resolve my conflicts with love and respect.   Even when telling my truth might be hard for others to hear at least my words are not pumped with adrenaline...

Standing in Grace

The Weight of Judging

We have no idea the power of our influence over others.  We do hear parenting principles like, "if you call your child stupid enough times, they will begin to believe they are."  Its relatively simple for people to recognize or hear their words and intellectually curb this.  But when we hold attitudes and expectations over others as we decide for them what they "should" or "must" or "need" to be doing, thinking or wanting, we are disabling them just the same.  The attitude or perspective of disapproval, criticism or displeasure over others serves to move the object of your affection in an adverse direction.

If we want to see those we love move in a constructive way, here are a couple of things to consider:

• speak belief into their lives.  "You are smart, you are creative.  You will figure this out." 
• be a champion of their potential.  "I am going to stand on the sidelines and encourage with prayer and positive observations."
• wait for a question.  "I am not going to interfere. If you need something from me, ask. I am there for you."  

Love is sacrificial.  It means sitting our our hands and waiting on God.  Hard to do I know.  But, oh so effective."