Friday, May 20, 2011

Living Authentically and Truthfully...


My friend Jennifer and I attend a Bible study and our topic this go round is on Friendships. We have been asked to describe the qualities we want in our friends.  Of many great characteristics, these two came up:  a) I don't want to be judged, and b) I want my friends to hold me accountable.  Jennifer and I pondered this - Can you be held accountable without feeling judged?    

So then, if not judgment, what would motivate someone who loves us speak up about an action or a behavior that is troubling, dangerous or harmful?  The loss of relationship.

When one of us goes off the path (which we all have done, do and will do), there is incredible tension for those on the path.  Today, God illuminated the reason for my angst in such situations.  I am observant then worried.  I say “I see where you are going and I can’t go there with you.  So I’m going to confront you and say, “This is so dangerous. There is so much at risk. Please turn back."  So what feels like judgment is actually love that sees outcomes you can't at the moment see.  

As most of us know, these efforts are messy and so difficult, but I have learned that speaking from fear is even messier!!  I will speak up again if God asks me to, but in a wiser way that says, I love you and I am afraid for you.  I’ll be here for you when you are back on this path.  And even if you never make it back to my path…I will always love you and want the very best for you.    

I hate having my covers pulled but what I dislike more is having others co-sign my errant thinking or ideas or thoughts that are contrary to who I am becoming as a sober, functional member of this life.  Please my friends don't ever hesitate to ask me about something that seems out of character to who I otherwise am...

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